I want to share an intimate story about jealousy, envy, and forgiveness…
This summer was one for the books and I will start by sharing, that at 35 years old I was finally able to hear an apology from my natural father that I did not know I needed. But before I share that, I want to share how a woman’s jealousy, envy, and scorn can tear relationships apart. This story has two parts…
June 30th my husband and I were in Phoenix and of course, planned on seeing his mother because we now live in North Carolina. Warren wanted to bring her our wedding pictures since she could not make it to Jamaica. She was so happy about us getting married and kept reminding people. Having been to his mother’s home many times before, this trip to visit her I imagined to be no different. Unfortunately, his sister Jamila and her jealousy, envy, unresolved trauma, and bitterness got the best of her. Unprovoked, within seconds of seeing me the self-proclaimed “Pulpit Princess” started hurling insults at me, calling me all kinds of names and when Warren broke out his phone to record her, she turned it off for the camera temporarily. She shattered every one of the pictures that he gave to Muffin in an evil envious rage.
In her attempt to religiously shame me she called me, “mistress” —which I thought was interesting because she was a side chick for five years to a man I personally knew, that refused to claim and choose her; I call that projection! Some of you saw the video of her behavior that Warren posted immediately after it happened, knowing she would lie and not share the facts… Jamila got so out of pocket and frustrated that her words weren’t getting the reaction she wanted out of me. Jamila resulted to assaulting me only after choking, hitting, and assaulting Warren multiple times prior. She continually punched me in the stomach, through objects at my stomach, never at my face as I assume she thought I was pregnant. Warren had to literally get in between her and I because she would not stop trying to fight me. This is how I know God has been working on me, because even in my clear defense, I NEVER hit her back. I knew I would hurt her and I have a career and so much else to lose. My Native cousins were shocked to hear that I didn’t hit her back, lol. People only know this grown, professional, healed, and mature Roicia… not the Rez Roicia who was always fighting, ha! It was so baffling to experience her demonic possession, just a short two weeks later from “answering her call to preach” in an attempt to earn her father’s approval. Interestingly enough, Warren’s father nor his siblings ever called to offer emotional support, get his side of the story, or ask if he was even okay… While I was trying to walk out, Jamila was still hitting me with cheap shots. Why do people who can’t fight like to start shit?! I finally turned around and let her know that if she kept it up I would have to beat her ass, then she stopped. As I walked out, his mom was begging Jamila to stop and was utterly confused with her progressive dementia. Jamila said, “And that’s why your mom is DEAD!!”— the same thing Warren’s second son said to my face. I don’t know why people think this is a blow to me to say, when everyone’s mom has to die someday… smh.
Long story short, Jamila called the police and told a few victim lies that she had previously used on her baby daddy and other brothers to get them locked up. The police saw the footage and began to arrest her as the aggressor, but because she told them there were “no other siblings able to care for her mother” they did not arrest her. As a result, Warren was arrested for defending me from his erratic and demonic sister. He spent 3 days in jail and while people were eager to post his mugshot, there were even more people who were eager to gaslight us and protect their Pulpit Princess’ image. I don’t protect abusers and I don’t keep family secrets… although, I KNOW THEM ALL!! Jamila placed an “Order of Protection” against me and Warren, but she also placed an OOP against Warren to prevent him from being able to see his own MOTHER!! If that isn’t envy and demonic, I don’t know what is…
At this time, my father was in the hospital and he was not doing well and was advised that I come to see him. We had to stay another five days in Phoenix because of this incident, and we missed our flight and vacation to Seattle. I am grateful for our family who eagerly jumped into this nonsense to help us navigate the criminal justice system for my husband who had never been arrested, and was now possibly facing criminal charges. The DA reviewed the body camera footage and our video footage that revealed she was the aggressor, then decided to drop ALL charges because they were baseless. On my birthday in South Africa, our detective called to let us know that he will be pursuing 3 felony criminal charges against Jamila, now that he has all of the FACTS.
God said you cannot deny what He has planned for me, devil. You can only delay it! I was scheduled to visit Seattle for work two weeks later and while I was there, I had enough time to drive to Tacoma to see my paternal family and my father. My father had been released from the hospital and was now on dialysis, a sight I am very familiar with. I had met my natural parents once before when I was 19. This was not a good visit at all as both of my parents were filled with resentment, bitterness, and shame for not being able to parent or raise me.
Now, I had the opportunity to get one on one with my father and God had been working on his heart. It was in this moment he took responsibility for his choices, offered an apology, and shared his heart for what kind of relationship he would like to have with me. As he shared 35 years of back and forth with my natural mother, it dawned on me that I was being used as a pawn for her bitterness and her jealousy! I listened to his heart and the confusion, chaos, and the “run-around” she put him through because he did not choose her! I watched my husband experience the very same vindictive behavior, where children are used as collateral or as tools for manipulation with their fathers… more to come later on “Nah! For Real!” regarding toxic bitter women.
In this moment, I realized God had been preparing my heart to be ready for this apology through Warren!! I accepted his apology, released him from the shame and resentment that I believe has made him sick. I would never been able to truly forgive my natural parents without this man of God, leading me in what unconditional love and forgiveness looks like! You can have the call to preach, but do you have the character to lead a life of LOVE by action?! To choose love and forgiveness in the HARDEST of times? I wept listening to the pain in his voice, him begging me not to tell my mother that we have reconciled… it made me ask myself what psychological warfare did she put him through?
Yo, 35 years were stolen because of jealousy and envy… because he didn’t choose her! Everything became clear to me! Why I have my maternal last name and not my father’s, it eliminated him from having any rights; very much so calculated. As a result, I was in foster care until I was 8 wondering what happened to my parents… I decided when I was adopted that I was CHOSEN and that I didn’t care anymore, I forgave them at eight years old. Not knowing they had been back and forth for years about my whereabouts, and she fed him so many lies to keep him at bay, telling him I didn’t want a relationship with him. Forgiveness is not always easy and sometimes it takes life threatening circumstances to get you to see, that LOVE is ALWAYS the answer. It’s true, Warren was in what can appear to be a marriage before me, but he is MY husband NOW and I thank God for him!!! Because without him and Him, I would never had seen this day of reconciliation!!
Sending love and light,
Roicia Banks Stewart
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